It has come to my attention that I need to discuss when abusive behavior of an addicted loved one becomes a hard boundary line. A hard NO. When an addict is in active use many times their behavior can become mean spirited, bordering on aggressive and sometimes violent. They may hone in on a family member or a friend and berate them, intimidate them, physically assault them. THIS IS NOT OK! I recently was interviewed on a podcast (see blog post Love without Judgement) about our journey chasing Carson as he became an addict. I spoke of loving our addicted loved ones and loving ourselves. I did speak about boundaries because loving an addict in active use is hard. The compassion for somone who has the disease of addiction when in active use looks different than someone who has cancer or another physical disease. Even loving someone with certain types of mental health disorders looks different. Diseases of the brain can and does affect their thinking, rationality and emotions. To clarify, someone in active addiction means that they have an inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, cravings, diminished recognition of significant problem’s with one’s behavior and interpersonal relationships, and dysfunctional emotional response. (John Leadem, Understanding Active Addiction and Identifying Relapse Triggers, posted Dec. 13th, 2017 to Addiction Treatment). How do you seperate yourself from somone who’s behavior is abusive? You leave for a period of time till they have cycled through. You make them leave. You call on family and friends to help you. You call the police. When your loved one is a minor, you make hard decisions to call them in as a runaway, you let them go to jail if they choose that over rehab (this happened to us). You find a rehab program out of state. You do what it takes to keep you and them alive. In the end best way to help your loved one sometimes, is not to help them but to help yourself. STAY SAFE!