Dawn

Over the past week and a half, I have received calls from four families, primarily moms, who have heard about Carson and our family’s story. I immediately ask them how I can help. They start to tell me their story and apologize if the story is too long. It’s their sons. They tell me that they are good boys…(Of course they are!) Their sons do well in school, they are athletes or do some sort of extra-curricular activities, they have plenty of friends….The moms say that it started with pot, that they have set boundaries, have had them see their doctor and a therapist. Some have done IOP (Intensive out-patient) for substance abuse. Then something changes…. the boys behavior changes. They go “missing”. There are times they don’t come home or can’t be accounted for. They seem to be more moody, much more defensive. They tend to have outbursts, fits of rage. They are destructive to the households, cars, etc…. it seems because they don’t get their way. They are scaring the parents and other siblings. Their best buddies are keeping them at arms length, they don’t want to be associated with them. Their grades start fall, they are skipping school and can’t understand why they didn’t make the varsity team. The moms ask me, “am I crazy?! Is this some weird adolescent behavior?” I have to tell them that unfortunately, no, this is not normal and that most likely they are on to a different drug. Carson acted this way when he was on Xanax. I’m not talking grandma’s “nerve pill”. I am talking Xan bars, street altered benzodiazepine. These types of drugs are psychoactive. The “chill” part last a short amount of time but the after effects can last a long time. It causes the user to have blackouts, agitation, violence, and an extreme need to keep the high going… so much so that they will seek out more Xans or something else. Carson drank isopropyl alcohol from under the bathroom sink. He did’t know what he was doing. These moms were contemplating doing what we did…. to send their boys away….they asked about our experience with the Wilderness Program and where Carson is today. I told them that one size does not fit all, however that I thought they needed to get them out of their environment. That they need to have a period of abstinence from use and influence. Then at that point the kids can get to the bottom of what made them go off the rails. Is there an underlying issue or simply experimentation gone too far? Either way, the burden of use is causing mental and health strain on the entire family. My belief as a parent, which seems to be the same for many who have been through this is that any time spent abstinent while in adolescence is a good thing.

Jackson’s girlfriend Maddie is wise beyond her years. She is studying to be a high school counselor. She has 5 younger siblings. Works with at risk kids…..she kinda knows her stuff for being 20 years old. In my post titled “State of the World”, I mentioned that she sent me the Tik Tok video slamming Carson’s Wilderness Program. Our texts continued because immediately she wanted to advocate for the girl on the video who was stating that she had been unfairly mistreated. I in turn, started advocating for the parent/parents (everywhere) that had to make the difficult decision to send their adolescent away for whatever reason. With Maddie’s consent, I have written out our text conversation below. It’s good to have discussions whether we agree or disagree. Maddie: Isn’t this the place Carson went? (speaking about the video) Me: Yes, but this is exaggerated. Blue Ridge has been getting bad reviews that have been copy and pasted from others. Wilderness has gotten a bad rap because of when it started years ago. Nothing about the program made my momma radar go off and Carson never had an issue. Now in saying all that, all programs are not created egual and one should always vet a program first. I just wrote a review for Blue Ridge and Carson will be soon. I can’t believe the false claims… Maddie: I mean I have no doubt that Blue Ridge is a great facility. But it’s probably no exaggeration. I think the thing with Carson was that he knew he needed and actively agreed to attend this type of therapy. A lot of kids are forced to go against their will, and this type of therapy isn’t engaging or beneficial for them. It only makes them feel more alienated. Especially from a female perspective. My modern day feminist mindset hates to think that, but if I was placed into a program like that against my will, I would. I would classify it as abuse. Me: We are talking to Carson now and he calls BS. (regarding the video) but like you said there are times where kids are sent there against their own will but it’s for their best because usually they are out of control. Sloan and I spent time there doing a family workshop with other parents and if you could have heard the stories and seen the desperation on their faces….these were not just kids “acting up”, they were truly struggling with trauma, issues with being adopted, suicide attempts, severe anxiety and social media addiction just to name a few….As parents of adolescents you do anything to give them a chance to thrive before they implode. These kids are not the “typical teens”…as you will see as you get more into your major. I call them level 3 teens…dual diagnosis with substace abuse usually….One thing we can agree on is that “One size does not fit all” when it comes to treatment. Maddie: You are absolutely right, “One size does not fit all”. And I do applaud the facilities that work hard to actually provide their patients with well equipped treatment processes. However, I can also acknowledge, that the therapy industry, unfortunately like the education system, has turned into for profit organizations. Whether they are “non-profit” or not. Also, being a mental health advocate and a lover of addicts…Humans; specifically young adults, will not accept help if they don’t want it (as you know), especially if they are being forced into attendance like the young woman in the video. I understand the desperation of wanting your child/ren to get better, but sadly, sometimes that’s just not going to happen, and that’s where you have to draw boundaries. I don’t have kids, so I can’t fully speak to it, but I can imagine how difficult it is and having them transported whether they agree or not is the last and only option. I do believe and stand by the fact that therapy, should never be a “scared straight” tactic. Me: Absolutely….scared straight does not work. There are military based camps which I don’t believe in. The transports to either wilderness or a residential treatment center or therapeutic boarding school are not a snatch and grab kind of deal. They have a “way”. This is where therapeutic consultants come into play. They are usually LCSW+. They are the adolescent/young adult advocates. Carson had one to find Balance House. We are still in contact with her. So one more thing on why parents would send kids away via transport/against their will so to speak…. And our conversation goes on to say that I was coaching a family that was in crisis and were going to need transport….That topic for another day…..

Sitting around on a Sunday, my son’s (Jackson) girlfriend texts me a Tik ToK video of a disgruntled girl stating that she was unfairly treated at a Wilderness Program….It happened to be Carson’s Wilderness Program she was bashing. (Can you tell I get a little protective of his program.) Just that week, the executive director from Blue Ridge emailed us alum parents asking us to write a review on Google. It seems that others had seen this Tik Tok and felt the need to leave one star reviews stating what a horrible place Blue Ridge was. So…..let me say this about that…..The good part about the internet is that we can research any topic till the cows come home….The bad part about the internet is that what we learn isn’t always the truth. Heck…even this blog I am writing could be a bunch of malarky. You never know. My advice is to do your due diligence and research, research, research! Talk to people at the programs, go visit if you can….hire a therapeutic consultant. Do not judge a program by Google, Yahoo, Yelp or Tik Tok reviews! Seriously, this is your kid’s well being here. Anddddd…..fortunately and unfortunately, not all programs are created equal.